Vitamin Gay

GLBT Related Politics, Music & Art Reviews

Giving Up On Gender… June 15, 2011

This is just one of those thoughts I had the other day, so roll with it…First a lil back story on yours truly.
For those of you who are new readers and/or reading this entry as the first entry you’ve read here, you may not know that-
I’m a transgendered individual.  I was born biologically female, but that just wasn’t working out for me, so, after moving to Portland, meeting some other trans people, I realized that was what was missing in who I was and I set to rectifying the situation.  I have been on hormones for 4 years and 3 months at this point and if you look at a side by side comparison of photos from back then vs. now, you can barely tell.  I also, identify as gay, as I am mostly attracted to men in terms of relationships both romantic and sexual.
I am also into drag/gender fuck/crossdressing performance style art.  This may seem a bit paradoxical to those who don’t know me but I assure you it makes just as much sense as any other drag queen…I’m a gay man who likes to perform dressed in women’s clothes some times, and wear make up and heels etc, I just had to take an extra step to become a man lol.  This leads me into the may point of tonights blog…gender pronouns and how, given the crowd I generally run with, how conversationally USELESS they are as descriptive terms for the people we interact with.  My thoughts were the the following:
As I am sitting here, at the gay pride pageant, surrounded by my friends & community, I can’t help but make the following observation- I’m in a room, full to bursting w/gender ambiguity! for many people this would be an issue, as a trans individual, an just generally someone who sees the binary gender coding, gender roles etc as largely out dated, I am only phased so much as to think ‘in a community, such as this, in which many men look and/or act like women, many women look and/or act like men*, as well as men & women who used to be women & men (theres a brain bender for ya), what PURPOSE do gender defining pronouns REALLY serve in conversation???’
NO, REALLY THINK about it.  If you have a friend who is a drag queen, they are a gay man (usually) and thusly you would think that in out of face conversation they would be referred to as ‘he, his, him’ etc.  but thats where you’d generally be wrong (your mileage may vary depending on the community in which you live).  In the gay performance community, queens, both in and out of face, generally refere to each other as ‘girl, she, her’ etc (the female pronouns) and whether you’re sensitive about your gender or not, the meaning of said pronouns essentially goes, out the window.  
so my question is…why use them at all? perhaps make a move toward gender neutral pronouns/descriptors ‘they, them, theirs, it’ etc.  it take some work & actual conscious thought to get used to/in the habit but once you are it makes a lot more sense (at least from my stand point, again your mileage may vary).  Its something I’ve been working towards for the last few years (basically since I discovered I was trans and felt I wanted to move away from, not just the female pronouns/descriptors, but the male ones as well).  I identify as male, if a random person asks ‘gender’ or if there is a lil check the box sort of thing, but I’ve never felt I really belong to EITHER category…I’ve always been so middle ground 50/50 split masculine/femme that it just didn’t seem to matter to me aside from how I looked obviously (that had to change).  Once my body matched my mind I hit upon the same sort of ‘whatever’ attitude I had had as a child…why do I HAVE to play w/dolls & my brothers get to go out & ride bikes & run in the sprinklers w/out their shirts on? etc. but now I’m rambling…
Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the issue…gender defining pronouns? I’m trying to give them up? How attached are you to your gender descriptor? is it a vital part of your identity? (I’m trying to start a dialogue here people…talk to me lol).
Thats your VITAMIN GAY for today! PRIDE EDITION!!! (tomorrow…I dunno, I’ll think of something hip I’m sure)


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