You remember how this year on drag race, when Alexis Mateo & Yara Sofia had to lip sync for their lives against one another, and how poor Yara had a horrible panic attack. The timing could not have been worse for them, and it unfortunately meant that they had to sashay away that week. It was very sad. Well, today a similarly ill timed panic attack ruined my pride weekend.
I got up early this morning, after getting to bed good and early and getting plenty of sleep so I’d be fresh & perky the next day. I had already gathered up most of my supplies the night before so I wouldn’t have to panic, running around the house at the last minute trying to find my tripod & extra batteries or snacks etc. Unfortunately, I woke up in not the best of moods, I was really cranky and I couldn’t figure out why. But I tried to keep positive because, its PRIDE DAY and I want to be out w/my queer peers. Bozzley’s a bit yappy this morning, probably sensing my nerves, and this lead to me being agitated by the time we left for the bus.
When crossing the street at 39th (to my knowledge w/the signal…I’m gonna say that both parties, myself AND the motorist, are to blame as clearly neither was paying close enough attention) I was nearly cut off/ran into by an asshole making a left turn when there was not just someone in the cross walk but a couple cars coming down holgate in their direction as well *annoyed*…at this point I must apologize for my actions because, while I feel they were somewhat justified (I flipped him off in case you’re wondering, and told him to get bent…and i’m sure other choice phrases I can’t remember as I mostly red out* at that point because my PTSD revolving around IDIOT motorist is well, over powering) I feel bad because I set a bad example of behavior from the LGBT community…decked out in my rainbows and cursing someone out…followed by making a scene at the bus stop by having an argument w/my partner, resulting in us coming home…after sitting at the #75 stop by walgreens for 10 or so minutes thinking about how I’d not only yelled at my partner, but I had: disappointed my niece, sis & their partner but all my friends who had wanted to see me, along w/anyone who was looking forward to my personal photos & footage from the parade (not to mention the fckh8, say gay-a-thon montage that will eventually get put together, but wont have quite the same feel i was going for)…
To you all I apologize for both my absence and my stupidity in my actions that likely left this individual & his passengers w/a negative impression of our community. Unfortunately there is only so much I can do when a panic attack of that magnitude is triggered and I felt it best for my mental health that I come home, the fact that it meant missing pride just deepens the wound; but I still think it was the healthiest decision I could have made.
I am rethinking how to do the ‘say gay-a-thon’ and I’m thinking that at some point, I’ll let ya’ll know when, that I will go down to pioneer square w/my equipment & sign and get photos of people posing w/the sign and I can use my audio recorder to record messages and play them over a photo montage w/music, thus allowing for many more people to have to opportunity to get involved…i may set up near one of the farmers markets some time too, do a few different locations to ensure a nice wide demographic of supportive people.
I’m sorry today’s VITAMIN GAY-PRIDE EDITION, wasn’t what I had intended to bring to the table…some times these things happen at the worst POSSIBLE moment and just total screw the day over. Its a shame. (it also makes me wish I’d gone to the mustache party last night, but I skipped it because I A- had to save my bus fare and B- needed to get up early the next day & didn’t want to be tired & sluggish)
|Photo courtesy of my friend Chris, he took a bunch of photos w/his 8mp phone cam for me, THANKS MAN!|
more tomorrow…love you guys and it looks like most of you had a great pride, I hope you all did *HUGS*